My Long Boring Weekend.

These last few days, not including last night, have been pretty uneventful. I had numerous plans for each night starting Wednesday, but of course they all fell through. I absolutely hate when that happens! With all the bad that did happen these past couple of days, there was something pretty cool that did happen. We were walking down at Belle Isle and we found this little secret trail, it's really nice and just away from everything && everywhere else. There was a little beach right by the water, and a nature trail you can walk through. It was pretty peaceful. Although things were pretty uneventful, I still managed to escape my room and enjoy the weather. Here are some snapshots of the past couple of days:

Like or No? My friend says it's cool in a "Ke$ha" way. Lol.


Me being... well, me being ME!

Me && My Boy Billy. Best Friends Since 3rd Grade.


Me && My Girl Shay!

Picture Taken By: My Girl Shay. Edited by: Muah!

Realize.

Yesterday I realized something deeply unsettling, something that I had yet to encounter in life. I realized that I cannot trust one person in my life. There has always been that one person, whether it be a friend, boyfriend or even a teacher, that I could trust. However now, things are no longer like that. I always thought I could put trust into at least one person outside of my mom and grandma, but now I realize that I don't have that security anymore. As much as I hate to say this, my "brother-from-another-mother" lied to me yesterday. Now, it wasn't a gigantic lie or anything, but still, it was a lie. And that's what flipped that little switch in my brain, the "Realize Switch". It's that little light that goes on when you finally realize something that you had always been blind to. I realized that even the people I think to be the closest to me, always have and always will lie to me. It pains me that almost all my life experiences with people have caused me to believe that everyone lies. (Jeez, I remind myself of House M.d.).

A week ago I realized a reality that I had been hiding from myself for many months. Now to you, this may be minor or repetitive, but.. I still miss my Ex. I realized that I miss him terribly, and also, that he is the dreadful reason why I cannot trust anyone in my life anymore. Now to be honest with you, he could have had anything that he wanted, and he could have had a woman that would do anything and everything for him. However, he made stupid choices and turned it down. As much wrong as he has done to me, I still miss him and I still love him. I've been telling myself for months that I was over him, but I realized that I'm not, and that just means I'm a big fat liar to myself.

A month ago I realized that right now in my life, I am going no where. It's like I am at a stand still, stuck on pause not moving forward but the days carrying on. Not being in school kills me slowly from the inside out (even though these days I feel it's a lot quicker than "slowly"). And it sucks that the reason I am not in school IS because of the fact that I am a big fat liar to myself. I continuously tell my self I will get back in school, but I never really take the steps to make it happen. It's like I know what I need to do, but I can't bring my self to do it.

Finally, a year ago I realized that I absolutely terrified of failure. Always have been and always will be. And that realization right there is the reason why I cannot trust, love or move forward in life. I'm petrified that I am going to find a way to fail at being a friend, somehow create a problem that is not there. I'm scared that I will fail at a relationship once again, and that is why I don't put myself out there anymore. I already lost the one person that understands me, why do I want to go through that again? Lastly, I don't want to let everyone down by failing college. I'm so afraid that if I go back to college I'll fail, again. I was always that bright girl, but now I am not so sure. The one thing I am sure of, FAILURE is probably my biggest fear.

Realizations--They really make you think. Comprehend why your doing what your doing, or even why your acting the way your acting. Realizations can either change you for the best or the worse, and I guess we will just have to see the result of what happens to me.

Springs Comin' In Michigan :D

Wow, so these past few days have been absolutely beautiful, weather wise. The sun has been shining, and the high in Detroit was 78°! I absolutely love being down by the water when I don't have to work, and the weather is amazing. So on Wednesday, I picked up two friends, one who I have not seen in forever, and the other being my brother-from-another-mother. We took our first trip of the year (at least during the day) to Belle Isle. Now let me tell you, Belle Isle is like my second home during the summer. For those of you know who don't know it's a pretty big park that is an isle close by downtown Detroit. Of course, I took pictures (as you will soon see, I take lots of pictures) && we even got some real pretty ones :)

Me && Shay BayBay

Me && My-Brother-From-Another-Mother

Detroit Love <3


Sun Set Down At Belle Isle.

I love how good weather can always brighten your mood. It's like the chicken soup of depression, the Dayquil of down spirits, the best medicine the doctor can prescribe.
These past few days have really been an eye opener of.. I hate to say it.. hope. I saw a glimpse of a happy future these past couple of days. Don't ask me why, because I couldn't really tell you what I saw, but it was the feeling I had. Maybe 2010 won't be a horrible year after all. :D