Lost In This World.

You know, sometimes I really wonder what I am doing in life. Wondering whether I am making the right decisions to move forward or using every ounce of power in me to better my future. People have so many different outlooks on what life is supposed to mean. What is supposed to be done, and what the true purpose of living is all about. Some say to live every day as if it were your last, others say to take the time to acknowledge the little things that put a smile on our face and the romantics say to live for love. Then you have the people that know the exact answer. Work hard, move forward, start a career and be someone important. So which is right? What really is our purpose here? Are we supposed to live on the edge? Jump out of a plane and live for the pure adrenaline we have running through our veins? Or are we supposed to watch the sunset and study a family bound together by pure happiness? What about love? Should we live our lives looking for that one person who we are going to spend it with?

I don’t know these answers, and I wish I did. Every day I see the people around me doing things to better their future and I don’t understand why I can’t do that too. I see these people going to school, working hard and even see people younger than me already creating a career for themselves. But what I am supposed to do? There are the ones that go to college, the ones that fall in love, and the ones that just don’t care about anything else other than going to extremes and enjoying every day they wake up. How can they be so fearless? How do I achieve that? What do I do to make my life meaningful? To make something of myself? I’m terrified of failure and I’m even more petrified of losing anyone I even obtain some kind of feeling for. I envy the people who can live their life with walls down and a plan in their head. Four years ago, I thought I was that person; I thought that I had everything figured out. Go to school, major in genetics, fall in love and live happily ever after. However as the days went on that plan seemed more and more like it wasn’t going to fit me. Now, 21 years old, what do I have to show for it?

I was watching a movie the other day, and one of the characters asked, “Why can’t there be a recipe book for life?” she was answered with, “You know better than anyone else, it’s the recipes we make ourselves that are the best”. This corny statement makes so much sense, and holds so much truth within it, but what happens when you can’t cook? What happens when you can’t make your own recipe, how do you figure out life?